Disconnected- Alya's Rant

Disconnected from myself
Attached to me draped like a cloak
Sharp, piercing daggers of anger consume me
A mirror's reflection reveals something that I do not recognize
My soul, heart and mind warring
Waging combat right here in the space
That peace used to know
Bitterness that won't let go
Or is it that I choose to hold? I don't know
Confused are the eyes that stare strangely at me
A familiar stranger? I am to myself
How can that be?
My cries for help come pouring forth with
Silent, muted screams
I pray to be heard, but no one is listening so it seems
My direction is all but lost
My lungs sting with rage
I can't hold it in because it burns
Disconnected
Where do I turn?...

Anuj...

I wrote this piece for a fellow writer and special person. I wrote it just looking at a photograph of him in black and white...

Quiet still water...
One touch
Peace- disturbed
Ripples of black and white
Painting you wonderful- vividly
Your smile dances with the
Sadness that dwells within me
Without you
~
I drift off into dreaming
In the height of day
As night falls across your eyes
My wish...
The day has treated you kind
~
Your voice
Has never echoed
In my space
Yet, I behold your face
Black and white
Speaking what words would only betray
~
No sound
No laughter
Just you
Photographed

gal

hey gal
all young and frayed
what be yo name?

you remind me of innocence
that ain't passed this way since...
hey gal, why yo hair so nappy
and yo clothes so filthy
ain't you got no
mammy or pappy?

hey gal
all young and frayed
what be yo name?
why you stare
like i'm barely there
don't you speak none
is you dumb?

why, sa i am but a gal
who came into this world
born free but shamed
by the hands of yo men
my mammy was raped

it was her innocence that once passed
stripped from her nakedness like a sash
tell me sa, does my eyes look familiar
does yo disgust like mine feel similar?

i traveled through the
the trenches
so please forgive me if
my hair is nappy
my clothes filthy
but you see sa
i come by way of
my mammy
the one you sold
now gone
why do you call me gal?
when you sa
is my pappy


© Alya Landry 2009

A Blues Forooze (Virgin Steel Lips- Revisited)

{Inspired by Boney James "You Don't Have To Go Home}
A little outside my box, but this song was so cool, I had to write it...
~
Hey, I know you’re not suppose

To be here and I know you have go

But there’s a few things I just need to say…

A few things you need to know

Tell me, would you be surprised if you knew

I got a blues forooze called you?

I can’t front because you make my lies tell the truth

I can’t quite describe it as good as I sho it…but let me try

Umm…tell me sweetheart, haveyou ever been touched by words

Through unspoken lips

I mean your ears would listen

But it would be your eyes that heard

Oh, have you ever known love as an unselfish giver

I mean that kind of love that reaches down into your

Heart and makes your soul quiverOr kisses

That drip sweeter than molasses

Honey, I ain’t even gon’ ask

The story of abandonment dangles in your eyes

Let me comfort it-stay the night

Don’t tell me you have to go and I’ll ever see you again

Because it would have been better for me to be blind

So this picture of you wouldn’t replay in my mind

Darlin’ would you be surprised if you knew

The things I want from you?

Is nothing at all

Simply that other connection

When you pick up and call

Me for a little company

Tell me what you need

I left a second ago to get

To where you need me to be

This blues forooze

Is about to make me lose my cool

But I like it though is got me going insane

Funny, I know I’ll never have you

Close your eyes for a moment

And imagine feeling

Your tears sweat

And your apprehension forget

Don’t ask me because I can’t
Explain these blues

But wouldn’t you be surprised if you knew

How I try to shake you

From my mind

Only to turn around to

Find you’re taking my time

You got me bowing my head

Shooting rounds at these thoughts

But they refuse to stay dead

© Alya Landry 2008

Happy Sadness

I have a condition

Joy in my own rendition

Opposite of what the norm conforms

For my happiness takes the form of a storm

Called sadness

Yes indeed

I have a happy saddness

Wallowing in the blues

Showering in tears

Swimming in a lake of self-pity

Deep as oceans

At first glance it may appear as if I'm drowning

I shake my head to that notion

Your eyes are deceived by my motion

See, I'm not drowning

I'm one with the tide

I glide with the stride

Heavy waves to you

But calming waters to me

Don't think of it as madness

I'm happiest in my sadness

Just like your happiness

provides you feelings of grandeur

My sadness provides me with a comfort

That extends beyond your level of understanding

My sadness is not a weight that I carry

Nor a hate that I carry

My sadness is like a woman I'd marry

Been knowing her since the childhood years

She's always been around

She's the only constant in my life

Although she could never pick me up

She never lets me down

Always right on time

When the mood calls for it

Call me crazy

Doesn't matter

I'm at peace with my happy sadness

Fading

~

Did you fade away from my memory?

You stand still while time beats me

An echoing conundrum that is

Constant as unkind

Lodged in hollow space

I cannot reach out to feel you breathe again

Did you fade away?

Where did you go?

I dip my finger in the in the pond

That rest just below the cherry blossom tree

In an attempt to see your face reflecting in the ripples

I see nothing but the sadness in me that trickles

And the pain refuses to roll away

The rain begins to fall

And I am haunted by deafening sound

Each drop like a heavy thud-weightless

I am burden by sorrow

Begging for days gone to borrow

My tears and the rain

Meshed

Where did you go?
Did you simply fade away like a sunset

That somehow I chose to purposely forget?

That couldn't be because with each

Sunrise you fade vividly back into my memory...

© Alya Landry 2008

Sad Soul

I find myself often times more than I care to share a feeling of sadness. I guess the best way to describe this is how some people are known for always feeling happy, I feel the exact opposite, but the irony in this powerful emotion is that it's comfortable. I love to laugh and joke, but I feel at home in the skin of sadness...Nothing to go figure, that's just what it is.